How to Slow Your Pace

With a title like that, you might assume that I’m an expert on this topic. But I just want you to know that after I publish this post, I’m probably going to reread it later, because I already forgot how to slow my pace. I am no expert- just a mom who is learning this difficult lesson everyday. This past year was a whirlwind of a year. So was the one before that. And the one before that. In my sister’s words, “Are you picking up what I’m dropping down?”

Time doesn’t slow down or speed up, but how we spend our time sets the pace of our lives.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I sat down and tried to organize our calendar. Week after week, there was something scheduled for almost every single night. The weekdays were cluttered with appointments and work hours, and the weekends were filled up with church activities, birthday parties, travel, or meetings. My husband is a pastor. We have three children. I am a part time writer and preschool teacher. Our front door is almost always left open. Between the neighborhood kids coming over, popcorn visits, play dates, scheduled meetings, dinners, babysitters, small groups, and the Amazon Prime delivery drivers, our front door is always rotating. And I really wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m an introvert by nature, but I enjoy welcoming people into my home. The problem was that our lives felt out of whack. On the outside it appeared to some that we were a good family accomplishing good things. To our closest friends and family we gave the impression that we were much too busy with the church or with other people that we didn’t have time for them. But when our front door was closed and all that was left was us, we were all experiencing in our own ways the negative effects of indulging in a fast pace.

Do any of those sound familiar to you? Have you been experiencing these same side effects?

Last year, my husband and I finally recognized the dangers of the pace we were trying to keep. We asked ourselves some difficult questions like- do we prioritize God? Each other? Our children? Do we truly want to change our pace? How do we do that? Despite the warnings from those who truthfully cautioned us about the possible outcomes of our pace, we couldn't seem to find the way to slow down. Maybe you feel the same way.

I wish I could say that one day we woke up and everything just slowed down and we were suddenly in a blissful, peaceful, state of mind. I wish I could say that I finally have it figured out, but I can't take any credit. During those mashed up, 100 mile per hour days that turned into years, we experienced two car accidents that totaled our vehicles (everyone is ok), a major surgery, income shifts, death, distance in relationships, faith challenges, and job changes. We sought counseling and confided in a few who could guide us toward God.

We didn't have the strength to slow our pace, but I believe that God used these physical circumstances to ground us again. The only way I can describe these circumstances is with the word loss, and I had to give myself permission to grieve. I found myself grieving the loss of my dreams, my childhood, parenting stages, the loss of what should have been but what could never be. I grieved the loss of youth, the loss of relationships, and the loss of time. And in all that grieving, and currently still, the Lord has shown me His beautiful faithfulness, His outstanding strength, and His wonderful grace. My heart has grown shoots of gratitude from the seeds the Lord has planted in me. When confronted with loss- whether physical, spiritual, emotional death- I am learning how to be grateful and trust the Lord- to stop and take it all in- the hurt, the pain, the beauty, the learning, the lessons, the peace, and the love of God through the pages of this story He must be writing.

So, I am no expert, but here are some things that I've learned over the last couple of years. Maybe they'll help you, too.

SHARE THE TRUTH

There are people in your life who will judge you and tell you what they think you could have done better. Then there are people in your life who will come alongside you, encourage you, and keep you accountable in a healthy, loving way. Find those people who have gone through something similar and come out stronger. Ask them to pray for you and to help you. Ask them for advice, and then actually put it into practice. Share the truth about your life and pace and how you want to change. Stick close to them and learn.

PRIORITIZE THE 3

Not every crisis is an emergency and not everything is a priority. What three priorities in your life truly matter? List them out, sort them. Do what you have to do to identify these priorities. Then minimize anything that distracts your attention from those top three. Learn how to create a boundary between your priorities and everything else. Practice saying no and don't make decisions quickly. Clear your calendar. Think about how these decisions impact your priorities and learn to pray about everything that arises and ask for wisdom.

BE GRATEFUL ALL THE WAY

When you're grateful all the way, you commit to reflecting on how God chooses to carry out His plan in your life, even when your circumstances are difficult or beyond belief. Being grateful is more than just saying thanks. Being grateful is turning difficult conversations into prayer and gratitude for God's will. It's turning to God first in humility and allowing Him to be sufficient for you. It's slowing down and searching for what you can give thanks and praise.

I know I'm not finished learning this lesson, and I know I have a long ways to go. But I'm so grateful that God is with us, and that we are not alone.